“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” — Jordan Belfort

Tomorrow is my last full day here!

I can't believe I've been here 3 months. It doesn't seem possible. I don't want it to end, but at the same time i'm ready to move on to the next adventure. I've eaten tons of amazing food, met so many wonderful people, and seen such beautiful sights.

*sigh*

I hope to write a lot of things down about my time here once I get to Italy.
right now though I'm going to log off and go get some rest so I can enjoy the day tomorrow (even if it's going to rain :-/) we're getting waffles!!!! om nom nom.

Spring has Sprung!

Finally! It's been so warm here the past few days. Today I left the house and left my coat at home ;) Usually I take it and by the time I get to the bus stop (only a 3 minute walk from the house) I am sweating and regret bringing it. So today I threw caution to the wind and just left it home and brought a sweater. OMG. It was so nice. It was in the 60*F range. I ate lunch outside in the sun and gbslkbgalgajdkkl. It was bliss. I snapped a few pics of our magnolia tree this morning. It's so gorgeous. Tomorrow I bet it'll be even more beautiful. The whole city is looking amazing, at the end of last week flowers were planted just about everywhere. On the highway they have the skyline of the city outlined in flowers. In Kadikoy there are some nice outlines of birds I want to try to take pics of. 

Yesterday, I went to a Hamam.

from wiki: 
A person taking a Turkish bath first relaxes in a room (known as the warm room) that is heated by a continuous flow of hot, dry air, allowing the bather to perspire freely. Bathers may then move to an even hotter room (known as the hot room) before splashing themselves with cold water. After performing a full body wash and receiving a massage, bathers finally retire to the cooling-room for a period of relaxation

Cinili means tiled. Apparently there are gorgeous tiles at this hamam... but there are all on the mens side. womp womp. It was so nice though. Very relaxing. We (I went with another au pair) got there and didn't know what to do at first. The staff knew a few words in English and we knew a few words in Turkish and we figured it out. There's a sign on the front door that says their will be a strong smell, but don't worry, it's just the history you are smelling ;) We got a kick out of that. We changed and were led into the warm room and omg it was so nice. Like it says above, you sit in one spot and they give you a bowl and soap and you wash yourself for a bit and relax. It's like a sauna, very warm. There is a big raised thing of marble in the middle of the room, heated marble! I die. You lay there while one of the ladies scrubs off all your dead skin. I felt like a snake shedding a layer of skin. There was so much. You rinse after and then move to a different room. There is the option of having a massage, but we opted out of that this time. The ladies were super nice, we went out to change and sat with them for awhile. There was even a cat at one point. I don't think they wanted him in there but they weren't exactly super fast with throwing him out ;) I think i might be going back before i leave :) 

After the hamam we walked across the street to see cinili cammi, the "tiled mosque", that I had read was really beautiful. Everyone was leaving as we walked up so we had to have someone unlock the door on the inside for us. It was breathtaking. I kept saying "wow" over and over. That's all i could think of. the guy who let us in was standing super close to us the whole time and i felt really awkward about taking pictures. google it if you want to see it, i guess? it wont do it justice though ;)


We went to have lunch down in uskudar after our little adventure... and while we were eating a cameraman and a guy with a microphone (they are everywhere! I barely notice them anymore. There has to be a lot of news to report on with a city this big ;) ) must have heard us speaking English and came up and asked to interview us. I don't remember exactly what he said at first other than "are you finished with your meal?" when i replied no, he pulled up a chair. so. But they were with Fenerbahçe TV, which i guess is a big deal? It was awkward. Not even gonna lie. I felt like a deer in head lights. They asked which team we supported (galatasaray, the only team i know/bc i got to go to their match) They asked where we were from, what we did (he actually knew what an au pair was, holla~) where we were staying, how long we've been here and how we liked the city. And if we would predict the score for the game coming up this weekend. Then he asked us to speak Turkish :| :| :| omg. it was the worst. my Turkish is so bad. I think i said hello, good morning, soup, fork and knife. A+. BUT! I did notice today, I can now recognize the phrase "where are you from" I heard it three times today. When I heard it in Turkish I didn't even think before I replied.
so... progress!

“Did you know, you can quit your job, you can leave university? You aren't legally required to have a degree, it’s a social pressure and expectation, not the law, and no one is holding a gun to your head. You can sell your house, you can give up your apartment, you can even sell your vehicle, and your things that are mostly unnecessary. You can see the world on a minimum wage salary, despite the persisting myth, you do not need a high paying job. You can leave your friends (if they’re true friends they’ll forgive you, and you’ll still be friends) and make new ones on the road. You can leave your family. You can depart from your hometown, your country, your culture, and everything you know. You can sacrifice. You can give up your $5.00 a cup morning coffee, you can give up air conditioning, frequent consumption of new products. You can give up eating out at restaurants and prepare affordable meals at home, and eat the leftovers too, instead of throwing them away. You can give up cable TV, Internet even. This list is endless. You can sacrifice climbing up in the hierarchy of careers. You can buck tradition and others’ expectations of you. You can triumph over your fears, by conquering your mind. You can take risks. And most of all, you can travel. You just don’t want it enough. You want a degree or a well-paying job or to stay in your comfort zone more. This is fine, if it’s what your heart desires most, but please don’t envy me and tell me you can’t travel. You’re not in a famine, in a desert, in a third world country, with five malnourished children to feed. You probably live in a first world country. You have a roof over your head, and food on your plate. You probably own luxuries like a cellphone and a computer. You can afford the $3.00 a night guest houses of India, the $0.10 fresh baked breakfasts of Morocco, because if you can afford to live in a first world country, you can certainly afford to travel in third world countries, you can probably even afford to travel in a first world country. So please say to me, “I want to travel, but other things are more important to me and I’m putting them first”, not, “I’m dying to travel, but I can’t”, because I have yet to have someone say they can’t, who truly can’t. You can, however, only live once, and for me, the enrichment of the soul that comes from seeing the world is worth more than a degree that could bring me in a bigger paycheck, or material wealth, or pleasing society. Of course, you must choose for yourself, follow your heart’s truest desires, but know that you can travel, you’re only making excuses for why you can’t. And if it makes any difference, I have never met anyone who has quit their job, left school, given up their life at home, to see the world, and regretted it. None. Only people who have grown old and regretted never traveling, who have regretted focusing too much on money and superficial success, who have realized too late that there is so much more to living than this.”


-source

37 Things You Should Never Apologize For (And Why)

37 Things You Should Never Apologize For (And Why)

this post is originally from here.

1. Never apologize for acting on your instincts.
 Listening to your body then taking action on what you hear
 is the hallmark of heroic people.

2. Never apologize for all the tears you’ve cried.
Crying cleanses the soul. Shoot for once a month.
Even if it’s just a brief mist at a tender moment in a sad movie.

3. Never apologize for anything in your resume/portfolio.
If you feel the need to do so, it probably doesn't belong
in there in the first place.

4. Never apologize for asking for what you need.
The answer to every question you DON’T ask is always no.

5. Never apologize for asking questions.
 When you stop asking questions,
you don’t just run out of answers you run out of hope.

6. Never apologize for asserting yourself.
 The word assert comes from the Latin asserere, which means,
to claim, maintain or affirm. And that’s exactly what you’re entitled to:
 Your opinion. Your belief. Your say.
Let nobody take it away from you.

7. Never apologize for being a health nut.
Next time someone says, What are you, on a diet or something?
 look them straight in the eye and say,
Yeah you got a problem with that?
Then, when they back down, you go right back to eating your tofu.

8. Never apologize for being a newbie.
Everyone great chess master was once a beginner.

9. Never apologize for being early for an appointment.
In the history of Corporate America, no employee has ever been
 fired for consistently arriving ten minutes early to every meeting.

10. Never apologize for being funny.
The world is too damn serious. We need you. Seriously.

11. Never apologize for being human.
Once you do, you’re no longer human you’re a cyborg.

12. Never apologize for being passionate.
Unless you’re passionate about stabbing strangers with
broken Coke bottles.

13. Never apologize for being smart.
 That’s the ONE thing the government, the media
 (and every other entity that’s trying to control you)
 is terrified of: Smart people who take action. Be one of those people.

14. Never apologize for being the age that you are.
It’s just a number. A chicken ain’t nothing but a bird, as my Grandpa likes to say.

15. Never apologize for breaking a rule that isn’t really a rule.
Be proud of yourself for being a rule breaker.
Then go break another one.

16. Never apologize for calling bullshit on someone.
Especially when nobody else is the room is going to do
 it and this person REALLY needs to be taken to task.

17. Never apologize for demanding respect.
If you’ve demonstrated that you deserve respect by giving it to others first,
you’re good to go.

18. Never apologize for disagreeing.
Especially if you do so respectfully. On the other hand,
if you’re disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing,
or because of your pathological need to be right,
that’s a different story.

19. Never apologize for expressing yourself.
That’s all “leadership” is:
The full, free expression of your truth.
 Don’t say you’re sorry for that.

20. Never apologize for falling in love.
Your heart’s calling the shots.

21. Never apologize for falling OUT of love.
Your heart’s still calling the shots
even when you throw up an air ball.

22. Never apologize for getting something off your chest.
That which you suppress will find a home in your body.
And then it will trash the place.

23. Never apologize for giving it your best shot.
 As my Grandpa also reminded me,
“You do the best you can with as many as you can.

24. Never apologize for growing up privileged.
As long as you scrap the entitlement attitude,
remain grateful for everything you’ve ever been given
and respect the life situation of those who are less fortunate, it’s all good.

25. Never apologize for having an overabundance of love in your life.
Instead, circulate what you’ve got. Pay it forward.
Share it. People need it.

26. Never apologize for lack of experience.
Instead, share your Learning Plan; demonstrate
your dedication to lifelong learning and practice
becoming the world’s expert at learning from your experiences.

27. Never apologize for lack of information.
Ignorance is acceptable. Staying ignorant, however, is stupid.

28. Never apologize for liking stupid movies.
Movie snobs annoy me. Some of my favorite movies
are among the most ridiculous films ever made.
So I love Hangover. Sue me

29. Never apologize for living your truth.
Few things in the world are more important.

30. Never apologize for looking out for yourself.
Self-preservation is a primary driver of human behavior.
 It’s how we’re wired.

31. Never apologize for loving yourself.
If you do, you probably don’t love yourself as much as you thought.

32. Never apologize for making a decision from the heart.
Remember: It’s not thee truth it’s YOUR truth.

33. Never apologize for needing alone time.
Solitude is soil. Solitude is medicine.
And if you don’t get your fix every day, your life will suffer.

34. Never apologize for needing to use the bathroom.
Yesterday a woman in my class walked out of the
room and actually said to the instructor,
I have to pee, I’m SO sorry. Unbelievable.

35. Never apologize for not being there when someone called.
You have a life, too. People can’t expect you to wait eagerly
by the phone all hours of the day.

36. Never apologize for not embracing someone else’s agenda.
Especially if that agenda robs you of your true talent.

37. Never apologize for occasional absentmindedness.
Everyone’s brain farts.

One Year Later.

This whole journey began one year ago. One year ago I packed my bags, left everything I knew that was comfortable to me. It was my second time ever on an airplane and my first time ever traveling alone. I hopped on a plane with a destination I knew nothing about,with no clue what to expect. I landed and met the most amazing little family and they treated me as one of their own. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate them and what they did for me just by letting me stay with them for such a short time. It's invaluable. I came home with such a heavy heart. I heard "how travel changes you" and finally knew what that meant *cue cliche*. I spent the next few months trying to figure things out and realized that maybe au pairing is what I'd like to do for awhile. I genuinely love kids. I want to see the world. Why not do something that lets me see the world in exchange for childcare. I didn't go looking for a family in Spain. They messaged me. I know nothing about Spain other than there is a crisis there right now. I don't know why I said yes. They seemed nice and they had kids in the age range I had experience with. I got there and I feel like we never "clicked" right. It was so awkward when we went to eat after the airport. Within 3 hours event happened and I felt so uncomfortable there. It went horribly bad after the first few weeks but I met the loveliest family who let me stay with them. The kindness of stranger is seriously amazing. I met some amazing friends while there. I've started coming out of my shell more, it's so crazy to me. I can't believe how much easier it is for me to make friends now that it was a year ago. I have no problem just going up to people and starting the conversation. I feel so completely different today than I did last year, in so many ways. Maybe I'll do little posts about them here and there on the blog. A year ago had you told me I would be getting a serious offer from the place at the top of my "places to go" list, I'd have called you crazy. I tucked it in my back pocket and had accepted that I wouldn't be going for a long time (I'll post where eventually, i don't want to jinx it :x) as soon as i said it out loud and put it out there it happened. The universe it weird. I wonder what where I'll be a year from now.

I've sent out I don't know how many emails since Monday. I got a few messages from families I didn't even contact myself who seemed pretty interested, so I replied and then I didn't hear anything back. womp. I'm stuck between choosing New York or Amsterdam. So I'm just going to wait it out and see how the conversations with the families from each one goes. Both cities would be amazing, soooooo win/win?

I wish I was better at writing.

I got an email from a girl today asking if I was still in Valencia and if I wanted to hang out :( I said no with a heavy heart and pointed her in the direction of my vlc friends. Then not much later got msg from one of said friends. It's weird how you can only know someone for a short period of time yet they make such an impression on you. I feel like I got to know more about some people in the span of three weeks than I know about most people who are constants in my life. It gives me headspins.